To honor Valentine’s Day, we’ve come up with a marathon sampling the worst examples of love to grace on the silver screen. This HORRIBLE HEARTS EXTRAVAGANZA, an outgrowth from our deviously delightful ANTI-VALENTINE’s series, collects the seediest and sexiest sights of romance — demon love, samisen BDSM, and glob sex among other exciting expressions of intimacy.
Mystery madness will reign throughout the day, starting at NOON and stretching into the wee hours of the night with a demented MIDNIGHT flick. Hints for the films can be found below, swing by and get heartbroken.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 11 – 12:00 PM
12 PM
XXXX XXXXX: XXX XXXXXX
dir. XXXXX XXXXXXX, 1994
Romania, USA, 81 mins
In English
We start the day with a deeply sincere fantasy horror-flick – and probably the only positive relationship of the day. A demon vs the LAPD, a kick ass German shepard, too-long sex scenes – this movie’s got it all.
2 PM
XXXXX XXXX
dir. XXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXXXXX, 1977
Italy, 104 mins
In Italian and English
A couple on the rocks sets out on a road trip, death awaits at their destiny.
4 PM
XXXX XXXXXXXX
dir. XXXXXXX XXX, 1981
Hong Kong, 91 mins
In Cantonese with English subtitles
A rare treat – an art house semi-slasher, deeply moody and vivid. Previously only available via a terrible VHS rip, we’ll be showing an updated LaserDisc rip with fresh (legible!) subtitles.
6 PM
XXXX XXXX
dir. XXXXXX XXXXXXX, 1995
United Kingdom, USA, 111 mins
In English
Shake off the downer of our 4pm with this absolutely wild mid-90s slice of neo-noir, originally released in a bastardized cut that was frequently on cable in the late 90’s. We’re excited to be screening the director’s cut, assembled by the editor posthumously. Probably the biggest name cast in a bizarre movie you’ve ever seen in a movie that is simultaneously hilarious, uncomfortable, sexy, problematic – and genuinely great.
8 PM
XXXXX
dir. XXXXXX XXXXXX, 1972
Japan, 112 mins
In Japanese with English subtitles
A melody of misery inspired by the foregone memories of a mute affair. Blind love at its most torturous and sincere.
10 PM
XXXXXXXX XXX
dir. XXXXXXXX XXXXXX, 1997
Japan, 120 mins
In Japanese with English subtitles
A ravaged scientist decides to bring his beloved back to life. Little does he know doing so will unleash an egomaniacal evil on Earth.
MIDNIGHT
XXX XXX XXX
dir. XXXX XXXXXXXXX, 1983
Netherlands, 102 mins
In Dutch with English subtitles
Our last film of the night is an underseen classic from a famously horny director we all know and love. Hint: The title nods to a classic film that this is definitely not a sequel to.